Let's Talk Values

Published July 20, 2014, by @jhendge

Define it

value (plural) - the moral principles and beliefs or accepted standards of a person or social group

Exploring values

When I think of the times in my life where I've been the happiest, the proudest, or the most satisfied, the following values come to mind:

Accomplishment, Close Relationships, Enthusiasm, Compassion, Self-Knowledge, Helping Other People, Confidence, Loyalty, Freedom, Inspiration, Location, Creativity, and Persistence

Compassion

Of all the values I listed above, compassion has always been particularly important to me. I experienced some unique challenges and difficulties growing up, and wasn't always treated with the respect and dignity I believed I deserved from my peers and fellow classmates. How could they not be more understanding, I thought. How could they not understand that everyone faces hurdles that they have to overcome?

It was through my own experiences that I learned to have a tender heart towards others and to empathize with their situation. In a world of over seven billion people, it's easy to want to compare people's wealth, location, socioeconomic background, and a slew of other variables to determine just how "bad" someone has it. It is only when we determine that the negative grossly outweighs the positive (and we'll assign a degree to just "how negative," mind you) that we choose to expend some form of compassion.

This line of thinking makes me uncomfortable because, while my reality is inherently different than yours or my neighbor's, problems can't be compared in an apples-to-apples way. They just can't. They're relative to each individual thus the sorrow a senior in high school experiences from being rejected by a potential prom date might be just as great as the NYC lawyer who was just fired from the law firm she was working at. Who knows? The point is, it is not our job to evaluate people and determine if their issue qualifies for a particular level of compassion. Like I said, everyone has a different reality. You don't necessarily have to be nice, just keep that in mind.

Values: rated

I rated my values listed above in terms of whether I try to live up to them (disagree 1 --- 2 --- 3 --- 4 --- 5 agree). Take a look.

Advice, from me?

The last time someone asked me for advice was about a week ago. It was my best friend. He left his job in Texas and was weighing a few different employment options, including one in his home state of Minnesota. He wanted to get my opinion on the jobs and whether I thought he should essentially head home for a position with greater growth potential, but with less initial pay. I told him that I thought he could get what he wanted out of the position in Minnesota because of the growth potential and that it was a great cultural fit for him. He knows Minneapolis. He has friends there. He's a Minnesota guy through and through.

Values, stereotype threat, and DBC

When I look at the above list of values and reflect on them, I can't help but smile. I want to be compassionate towards others. I want to feel free. I want to be enthusiastic and inspired and loyal and have close relationships and be self-knowing. I want those things to surround me, to engulf me. That's when I'm most happy. That's when I can slow down, acknowledge stereotype threats, and choose to act in a way that doesn't perpetuate them. That's when I have the most clarity.

When I actually arrive in Chicago and begin DBC in August 4th, there will undoubtedly be some difficult moments and tough days. The hours will be long. My patience will be tried. And sleep deprivation will be inevitable. It will be in those moments that I will have to be vocal and reach out to others. While it's always easier said than done, I have found that when I do ask for help, people are typically kind and willing to give it.