To DBC or not to DBC?

At first, I put off committing to DBC. I had been accepted, chosen a cohort in Chicago, and had one foot out the door, but had recently met a girl (let's call her "Jen") and had been given some new responsibilities at the sports marketing agency I worked for (let's call it "Aquarius"), so I decided to stay in DC and delay Dev Bootcamp (DBC).

Fast forward to Tuesday, February 18, 2014. Jen and I had gotten serious the past few months and work was going well. I was at the Super Bowl earlier in the month for work and there were discussions about what clients I would be working with in the coming months. Then, on the morning of February 18, I walked into the office like normal and am asked to meet with my boss. There are two chairs positioned in front of my boss' desk and my immediate supervisor is sitting in one of them, my boss at his desk. I'm asked to sit down. The next few moments were swift and decisive. I'm told that despite everyone's fondness for working with me and my recent performance, Aquarius would have to "let me go" so that they could essentially free up the dollars for a different position.

Wow.

The next move

The following days were filled with discussions about my future plans, with friends, family members, and Jen. Of course, staying in DC and hustling to find my next sports marketing gig was an option. After all, I did get my Master's in Sports Industry Management from Georgetown. I was doing what I was supposed to do. But I definitely wasn't satisfied. I wasn't totally happy.

It became apparent that if I was ever going to commit to DBC and change my career and my life, it was going to have to be now. No more delaying. No more resisting change. This was what had been burning inside me for months, years, and now that decision was staring me right in the face. What would Jen think? Would Jen be understanding? Would Jen not want me to go to Chicago for three months? As it turns out, she was very supportive. She knew that my interests were in web development and that my current career path wasn't sustaining me intellectually or technically. I had become bored and complacent.

Bickerfest 2014

After the decision had been made that I would move to my hometown of Chicago in a few months time, reality began to set in. Jen and I, while we knew this was the best thing for me, picked at each other, got into arguments, and both said things we didn't mean. Beneath the surface, it was clear that I was on edge from all of the change and she was concerned about me leaving. Totally understandable. In those times when we were arguing, I wanted to do what I have grown to love to do when I'm faced with conflict: withdraw, disappear. And sometimes, emotionally, I did. It only made things worse.

By withdrawing from arguments or physically leaving a space where Jen and I were talking, I'm signaling that I don't care about the content of the conversation and am essentially giving up, waving the white towel. Even though that's not what I'm thinking, that's what my body language is saying. That's the ultimate downfall of my tendency to withdraw. I communicate something I don't intend to and it actually exacerbates the situation.

It gets better

In the instances when I am calm, don't raise my voice, or emotionally withdraw from the conversation, the results are markedly better. I find that I am able to better describe my thoughts and how I'm feeling and in turn, Jen is more receptive. It should come as no surprise: yelling, stomping your feet, and withdrawing entirely are not effective ways to get your partner to positively respond to you. I have been guilty of that in the past and have learned life is so much better when you put in the work and actually communicate.

Jen and I have worked through every one of our disagreements and as such, have arrived at a much better place when dealing with the realities of DBC. In no way am I suggesting that we won't have our moments in the future, we'll just do a better job of addressing them.